The stuff no one tells you about parenting a pre-teen

  • You think toddlers are hard work, well my friends, I give you the pre teen.
  • Teetering on the edge of adolescence and most definitely threatening to jump.
  • They are always right. Always.
  • They love you then they hate you then they love you.
  • You will almost certainly not be able to help them with their homework. (Macbeth anyone?)
  • Secondary schools make you feel like a kid all over again.
  • You will also probably never have enough food in the fridge. Ever.
  • It’s a personal choice on tackling the bedroom but I can assure you they will mess it up again within the hour.
  • I prefer to just shut the door and pretend it doesn’t exist.
  • If they’re in a mood they’ll be nice to everyone except you.
  • They want to stay up later than you.
  • Did I mention they are always hungry?
  • Never again will you hear the words “ok” when you make a simple request.
  • There are still tantrums.
  • Usually when you make a simple request.
  • Hormones.
  • You will know all the words to most UK rap/grime songs (#mansnothot)
  • And the latest dance moves (#flossing)
  • But you still won’t be cool.
  • They’re not quite at the self grooming/deodorant stage so getting them to wash may be a challenge #soapdodgers
  • They can be a bit smelly
  • If it’s a boy they will probably have bigger feet than you
  • If it’s a girl she’s probably already stealing your clothes/jewellery/perfume.
  • You can watch TV shows together that don’t involve Mr Tumble or Peppa sodding Pig.
  • They will almost certainly now ‘get’ the grown up jokes.
  • Accidental sex scenes on TV are just as embarrassing for you as they are for them.
  • They can do STUFF for you!
  • By ‘stuff’ I mean make tea, wash dishes and even entertain smaller children for short periods.
  • By ‘do’ stuff I obviously mean finally agree to things with the help of bribery and/or begging.
  • They are bloody expensive.
  • They still want to be kissed goodnight.
  • They are inquisitive like toddlers.
  • But also a fountain of knowledge who will teach you something new every day.
  • They are fiercely protective of you.
  • They are growing up quickly. (Ok, everyone tells you that one)
  • It will seem like five minutes ago you were holding them in your arms sniffing their little head.
  • You may not get them as often but when you do, the cuddles from your biggest babies are the best.

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